A Cock Story
Learning a new language is always a challenge, especially when words can mean two completely different things. Here is a “cock” story by one of our Russian translators about an experience he had while learning English in college.
My lifelong passion for languages began in the Soviet high school, where I was, according to my English teacher, the best student in her three-year experience. That didn’t necessarily mean I could string two words together by myself, but I would diligently do my homework and vigorously raise my hand during her classes. Little did she know that my linguistic zeal was driven, more than anything, by my being innocently mesmerized with her inner and outer beauty. More with the latter than the former.
The Learning
Two years on, in the summer of 1991, the Soviet Union broke apart, and I was now a college freshman in the newly independent Uzbekistan. I was studying to be a translator/interpreter between English, Russian and Uzbek. Those were not the easiest times to study a foreign language: information and materials were scarce, there was no access to communication with native speakers and, of course, no such thing as the Internet. My faculty had a modest library where you could find most classic novels and a very limited number of audio recordings spoken by BBC newscasters and such. Needless to say, there was no taking them home, so I would spend endless hours in the library practicing my listening and comprehension.
One thing I had no way of knowing at the time was the fact that my decades-old textbooks and dictionaries presented the kind of the English that was seriously obsolete, and quite different from contemporary English as used by native speakers. Many outdated grammar rules were still enforced. For example, to say I will not go was wrong. The correct form was I shall not go or I shan’t go, just like in Charles Dickens’ novels, really. There had also taken place a number of semantic shifts, with many words taking on new meanings – a phenomenon my dictionaries were not aware of. Two specific examples that pertain to this story are the words cock and gay. For me back then, the former meant a male chicken, while the latter meant cheerful, lively…
In addition to being a student, I kept a small chicken farm in our backyard. In my farm was one very high quality, purebred cock. I mean, rooster.
The Misunderstanding
The collapse of the USSR and the resulting independence had brought about many groundbreaking changes in our everyday lives. Towards the end of my first year, the borders had loosened up quite a bit, causing an influx of foreigners from all over the world: Europe, North America, Australia, you name it; and from all walks of life: researchers, missionaries, teachers, exchange students… My college had received some international students, too.
They were generally fine and friendly folks. I was always hanging around with them, practicing my English and satisfying my inborn curiosity by probably pestering them with my questions. I made friends with some of them, and became close friends with one guy, an American. We would spend long evenings talking, laughing, discovering each other’s worlds. One time, I told him I had a big, gorgeous cock that I would like to show him some day. Because I had no hidden thoughts, I didn’t catch the surprise in his eyes. He asked me if I was gay.
“Oh yes,” I answered, “I’m totally gay,” of course, meaning I was in a good spirit, having a good time.
One other evening, he invited me to have dinner at his place. It was our umpteenth dinner together, nothing special, but first since our previous conversation. After we finished eating, my friend asked me if I wanted to follow through on my suggestion and show him my cock.
“Sure,” I said, “When we go to my place, I’ll show it to you.”
“But,” he said, “It’s perfectly safe here. You can show me your cock now.”
I was a little confused and said, “What do you mean? I don’t carry around my cock with me. We need to go to my farm to see it.”
Before I finished the sentence, he was rolling on the floor laughing. He had now understood what I had really meant.
English to Russian Translations
Like Jamshid Begmatov, any one of us can be confused by double-meaning words. While learning a foreign language, make sure you use the correct word with the correct meaning. For Russian translation, follow this link to request a free quote.
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Jamshid Begmatov
